Take THAT!

Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve been planning on posting some original work on this blog for some time, but am only now getting around to doing so. This piece was written about 6 months ago. By way of explication, I feel as though I should point out that the “you” blurting things out from behind the shower curtain does refer to a certain person, but could refer to almost anyone, as the “you” was simply a hallucination, of sorts. Needless to say, my belt didn’t end up any tighter the next morning. So, waiving further signs and ceremonies…

“Take that!” I heard you blurt out from behind the shower curtain

I told her that I could
mix—by smell—the
best gin and tonics
she’d ever drink,

and she decided that
was enough to take me back
to her place for the night.

No mind that I had loved
her daughter only a
few years before,
or that she was twenty years
older than I and just-divorced.

I thought that I was going to
wake up the next morning with
another notch in my belt.

Instead, I awoke at 5 AM
on the bathroom floor
with vomit in my mustache,
an empty stomach and a cringing liver,
and a bruise on my chest from the toilet seat.

“Take that!” I heard you blurt out
from behind the shower curtain
at one point during the night.

Then I heaved another throaty
sigh, purged myself of my
remaining egotism, and passed
out on a lime-green bathmat.

A Quick Spin on Audio Formats

About a month ago I stumbled upon “It’s Only Rock and Roll,” a record shop just off of Main Street in my hometown. I don’t know how, but I hadn’t noticed the white-and-red sign out front in the year or so (as I came to find out) that the shop had been open. Entering the shop, I could tell that Tom Goduto, the owner, was not interested in pushy sales tactics or flashy wallet-busters: he sat at a desk at the back of the white cinder-block room, scratching away at his crossword puzzle, and letting the records – most priced under $5.00 – sell themselves. From both the atmosphere and the prices, you could tell that Tom opened this shop as a way to share his passion for music with a small and relatively backward Ohio town. To make a long story short, I bought my first record – Paul McCartney’s McCartney (1970) that day for $3.00, and I’ve been accumulating vinyl records of all types from antique shops, travelling street vendors, and (yes), Tom’s record shop ever since.

But I started wondering: other than the kitschy charm of owning and playing LP’s, what is it about music’s first mass-distribution format that has audiophiles demanding the newest releases on vinyl? Is the record really a superior format, or have hipsters simply found another way to bolster their “trendier-than-though” appeal with Indy chicks everywhere? When I realized I hadn’t the foggiest idea myself, I decided to do a bit of research. And now, I intend to pass the fruits of that research on to you.

What’s the difference?

Vinyl is analog, CD is digital. What does that mean to sound quality? Well, let’s put it this way: sound, as we know it, is analog. That means that a dog barking, your child’s voice, and Mozart’s Symphony No. 4o all come to your ear as vibrations in the air, which when they rattle your ear drum, are interpreted appropriately by your brain. An audio file (such as your typical mp3) on the other hand, is merely a series of snapshots of those sound waves – 44,ooo snapshots per second, to be exact.  Here, I’ll give you two pictures and metaphor to clear things up rather nicely:

    

Vinyl LP’s are the original, hand-painted version of Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa, while CD’s are a mosaic of the original, hand-painted version of Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa. No matter how many tiny pictures you cram into the equivalent amount of space, it will never be exactly the same as the original product. Admittedly, the difference between the sound quality of an LP and a CD is not this drastic, but you get the picture…seriously, no pun intended.

What are the pros and cons?

I’ve already more-or-less stated that music imprinted on vinyl is truer to the original recording than that burned onto a CD, and many purists argue that this contributes to a warmer sound. Heck, some would even argue that LP’s are better because the larger dust jacket gives a better look at the album artwork…okay, whatever floats your boat. But what strikes do records have against them?

For starters, the audio produced by the partnership of LP’s and record players is vulnerable to distortion from an abundance of sources: dust, scratches, mold, and warping are the most frequent offenders. And, in spite of what some have tried to convince me, you can’t persuade me that the manner in which you play an LP contributes to the loss of quality. You’re dragging a needle over the surface of vinyl, for God’s sake!

On the other hand, CD’s may suffer from a slight deficiency in sound quality, but what they lack in fidelity they make up for in portability and permanency. Sure, you could scratch a CD if you really wanted to, but try scratching an audio file. Furthermore, CD’s make selecting a particular song  (or creating a mixed album of your own) a snap. Forget lifting a needle and ever so carefully placing it in the grooves between tracks – push a button and stop, pause, or skip to the next song.

So, the verdict?

Each format certainly has its strengths and its weaknesses. But you could say the same thing of hot tea and coffee. Or Pepsi and Coca-Cola. Or cats and dogs. The bottom line is this: some people prefer records, and some people prefer CD’s, and while they may or may not spit reasons or figures at you to explain their preferences, they shouldn’t have to. Personally, I see listening to music in general and listening to music on LP as apples and oranges. I love the fact that I have the technology to control an entire library of music, speeches, and radio shows with my finger tips. But sometimes I enjoy basking in the raw scratchy goodness of music the way that generations heard it for the first time: on a vinyl LP.

And now, for something completely different:

Thus far, this blog has primarily been about writing, poetry, music and…well, that’s about it. But, in an effort to avoid stagnancy – and because I haven’t posted anything in over a week – I’ve decided to share a few discoveries with you that have improved the quality of my life.

1. Flying Sharks: In mentioning the phenomena of “flying sharks” to a good friend of mine, he reminded me that these sharks do not fly, but jump, and that he could jump between two buildings, if he felt like it – “Which is more impressive, huh?” I rebut by declaring bullshit.

Honestly, there’s not much I can say that will make this footage any more impressive than it is. But I will add my two cents: the Great White Shark can grow to be up to 25 ft long and can weigh more than 2 tons. And, in the waters near South Africa, they can propel themselves as high as 15 ft out of the water. Observe:

2. José Alfredo Jiménez: El Rey. …all right, I’ll admit: this bullet-point is about music. And yes, I said I’d be giving you something a bit different. But bear with me – this not the music found in the big-band halls or Jazz clubs of posts-past. In fact, this isn’t music that I’d even considered part of my listening preferences until recently. But while listening to This American Life (you’ll notice this as a trend soon enough), I heard this song examined and translated. And, as you’ll soon understand, the egotist in me couldn’t resist adding this track – and José Alfredo Jiménez – to a list of my favorites.

So, lest I deny you greatness any longer:

El Rey, written and performed by José Alfredo Jiménez

“Yo sé bien que estoy afuera

Pero el día que yo me muera

Sé que tendrás que llorar

(Llorar y llorar, x2)”

I am fully aware that I am out

But the day that I die

I know that you will have to cry

(Cry and cry, x2)

“Dirás que no me quisiste

Pero vas a estar muy triste

Y así te vas a quedar”

You will say that you did not love me

But you will be very sad

And that is how you will stay

Chorus:

————————————-

“Con dinero y sin dinero

Hago siempre lo que quiero

Y mi palabra es la ley”

With money and without money

I always do what I want

And my word is law

“No tengo trono ni reina

Ni nadie que me comprenda

Pero sigo siendo el rey”

I have no throne nor queen

Nor anyone who understands me

But I continue being king

————————————-

“Una piedra en el camino

Me enseño que mi destino

Era rodar y rodar

(Rodar y rodar, x2)”

A stone on the road

Taught me that my destiny

Was to roll and roll [*rodar = to roll; to roam]

(To roll and roll, x2)

“Después me dijo un arriero

Que no hay que llegar primero

Pero hay que saber llegar”

Afterwards an arriero told me

That one need not make it first [*llegar = to make it, to arrive]

But one must know how to make it

Verse:
Yo sé bien que estoy afuera
Pero el día que yo me muera
Sé que tendrás que llorar
(Llorar y llorar, x2)

I am fully aware that I am out
But the day that I die
I know that you will have to cry
(Cry and cry, x2)

Dirás que no me quisiste
Pero vas a estar muy triste
Y así te vas a quedar

You will say that you did not love me
But you will be very sad
And that is how you will stay

Chorus:
Con dinero y sin dinero
Hago siempre lo que quiero
Y mi palabra es la ley

With money and without money
I always do what I want
And my word is law

No tengo trono ni reina
Ni nadie que me comprenda
Pero sigo siendo el rey

I have no throne nor queen
Nor anyone who understands me
But I continue being king

Verse:
Una piedra en el camino
Me enseño que mi destino
Era rodar y rodar
(Rodar y rodar, x2)

A stone on the road
Taught me that my destiny
Was to roll and roll
(To roll and roll, x2)

Después me dijo un arriero
Que no hay que llegar primero
Pero hay que saber llegar

Afterwards an *arriero told me
That one need not make it first
But one must know how to make it

Chorus

*arriero = a travelling vendor

(I realize that his mouth is not synched up with the singing. But, this is the version of the recording that I’d like you to hear, and this is José Jiménez. Get over it.)